To you, Self.

A while I know. Swamped, I swear :(

For the muse in an onesie: Yes, inspiration did hit at that moment :P and,

Chubby cheeks <3:> Msn remains better!

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dearest self,

Here I am, again.

Just me.

The present you.

In this very defining moment.

I write to all of you self.

From this defining moment.

To that past ‘you’, to the present ‘you’, and to the enigmatic future ‘you’.

I write to you all.

United in this moment, yet set apart in the infinite wave of time.

To all of you I write this-

It is my most profound wish for me to meet you Self. Not this present ‘you’ that I know, but all of you. You self, are segmented across time, and never whole for me to see. Could you try Self, time set aside, to give me just a glimpse of your entirety: a complete converged image, with all details in the correct place?

Is it too much to ask, to see you all- past, present and future? It seems so.

And that leaves me here to contemplate and question the reality of things, and the outcomes such realities trigger.

It is at this point in my contemplations that I feel the need to apologize to you Self.

I’m sorry that at times you were shunned and overruled. Those were the times where I let superficial want take over, while your voice forever muted.

I’m sorry for all the unnecessary internal wounds, you now bear as scars.

I’m sorry for my disorientated states, where I left you an unfamiliar observer of my whirling.

I’m sorry, the list is so long, that I cannot seem to recall all the things I should be sorry for.

Sad, isn’t self, being reduced to this?

No? You don’t think so. Well, I do.

But I promise you, I have learned much from those failings.

I learned to love you more than all.

I learned that you are all.

And I’m just sorry it took me this long to come to realize such.

Self, there comes a point in time, where insanity borders, and with its doubts baffles the mind. And at those times, it’s rather easy to erase limits, drop any borders and let loose.

What’s the worst that could happen, Self?

My soul would suffocate and die?

No, it would eventually learn to feed off the chaos, and the world would continue spinning its same cycle.

And then there are points in time, where reality hits at full force, and all comes to a nerve-wracking halt. The facts are all spewed like the whips of a leather lash. And denial becomes an ever taunting sin.

It’s then that your importance grows self.

It’s then where you come to find me, and push me forward, out of the void and into the lucid clearing.

Thank you Self, for always being there.

Every time, anytime and all the time.

Because as I look around, I see no one here but you, Self.

The rest are all residents of discontinuous scenery.

All but you, Self.

You have my endless love and gratitude, Self.

I am forever yours.


7 Response to "To you, Self."

  • Salma-G Says:

    Zomg!

    "The Muse in a Onesie" would be an awesome movie title.

    "All but you, Self.
    You have my endless love and gratitude, Self.
    I am forever yours."

    *sigh* I've said this before and I'll say it again. I love myself, and I'd gladly go lesbian for me.


  • Lilo Says:

    I honestly don't know how you do it, Mashalla, I almost feel compelled to succumb to old lady superstitions and whatnot and spit on you and things. I have no idea how that keeps "the evil eye" away but whatever, it's amusing, albeit disgusting.

    I actually started off this comment with a lot of favorite bits copied out of your post, but it got too long! But, "I’m sorry for all the unnecessary internal wounds you now bear as scars." Couldn't have said it better myself.

    Another amazing post, hats off to you, my friend <3


  • Phlash. Says:

    Powerful stuuff. x


  • Anonymous Says:

    beautifully written
    i kindda related to it alot
    def one of the best things iv read
    gdluck;p


  • frogman Says:

    i love how instead of just explaining the trail of thought every person goes through after finding something they wrote 10 years ago or an old picture of their old self, you actually had a conversation with yourself that at some points went back and forth..

    makes me wonder though, you probably wrote this while judging your old self based on your current self's standards (presumable thinking that your current self is better), what do you think your future self will think? will they approve of your current views? or do you think you are done evolving and future self will just be a slight deviation of current self..

    p.s. i didn't mean to sound negative if i didn't in the latter part of the comment.

    p.p.s. nor am i just trying to ask a question for the sake of looking smart, like the kids we hated at school


  • Carpe Diem Says:

    Salma-G:
    Yes, it would. An amazing movie title.

    I would go lezbo for myself any day, any time as well.
    Any news on the cloning process?

    Lilo:
    LOL, one day, I can imagine getting a fedEx with a water gun full of your spit, and instruction on where to spray. Or you'll maybe come in person? Yes? Please?

    Funny how we go through things that cause us pain, just to realize that they are painful.

    Thank you =) I blush inwardly, and feel all warm and fuzzy.

    <3.

    Phlash:
    Thank you.


    Anonymous:
    Glad you could relate.
    Thank you =)


    Froggie:

    I wrote this letter, from this projection of my self, at this moment of time: using the values I believe in now, and my perception of right and wrong, necessary and unnecessary.

    I do believe that my current self is better, though not quite sure if happier. As we grow, happiness becomes harder and to achieve. To think a lollipop did the effect when we were 2, eh?

    I cannot really speak for my future self, though I do wish I'd stay this way and not become a stranger to my current self.
    However, all I know, is that at some point, my future self will condemn this current me, just as I did with my past self. Till then, I wait.

    Thank you for you comment, and ask as many questions as you wish =)

    P.S. I can tell you've been out of school for a while? The kids that try to look genius by pulling questions out of their asses are the least of one's problems nowadays. There exist species way worse.


  • My Lustful Life Says:

    http://mylustfullife.blogspot.com/


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