A Small Price To Pay.

For the first time, in a long time to come, the path in front of her came into focus.
The past became a vague blemish of gray.
And the air was forever tranquil.

She tried to dress in black, but found herself attracted to those brighter shades - to those yellows and reds.

A vibrant outside.

Her mind deduced she was better off.
Her eyes magnified indifference.
Her body felt forever light.
Her conscience numbed, retreating inwards.

Her inner self breathed its last words: “Rest in peace”, and then spoke no more.

A still inside.

They clashed - stillness and vibrancy.

She smiled and frowned throughout it all. It was all the same.

They clashed again – vibrancy and stillness.

She chuckled and wept throughout it all. It was all the same.

A small price to pay, she thought.


“What’s wrong?” a familiar voice asked.
“My heart died,” she replied.
“Oh. I’m sorry for your loss.” the voice said.
“I’m not. ‘tis not loss, but a great gain,” she claimed.
“I see. Might I inquire as to how it died?” the voice implored.
She shrugged, “the autopsy report declared its cause of death to be ‘over freezing’.”


Yes, her heart died.
And in its place lay a black veil in silence, recollecting memories of a colorful inside.

Yet, her outside is forever vibrant.
Her body forever light.
And the air forever tranquil.

A small price to pay indeed.

12 Response to "A Small Price To Pay."

  • M Says:

    People assume that ur heart is as happy as ur outside when ur inside is dead.. small price? I'm not so sure.. but beautifuly said as always :)

  • Carpe Diem Says:

    Oh, finally! A diversion. A God sent diversion!

    See, now your comment gives me something to do - like avoid the load of work I'm trying to avoid just 'cause. Eh.

    Yes, people will always make assumptions. Few know what really goes on inside.

    The small price is the irony of it all. It all depends on who you are, and how much a heart means to you: is a dead one, really better than none at all?

    You have been missed!
    And thank you =)

  • Lilo Says:

    Chills! Really. I'm more than familiar with that feeling, mastered the forever vibrant outside *dusts off shoulders* BUT, I love the way you verbalized it and nobody else could've done such a great job at it.

    See how nice? Despite my current condition? My sister yelled at me for snapping at everyone today, so I'm putting in extra effort to prove her wrong :( But I did it mean it though! <3

  • Starlight<3 Says:

    Beautiful, it couldn't have been said better.

    This doesn't really apply to everyone, I'd like to think I'm a pretty full of life person but there are somedays where you're at your all time low and you just feel like something died inside of you..

    I don't think I've experienced it personally, but metaphorically speaking I've felt as though I've had friends taken away from me or die while they were still living. It's like something went wrong somewhere and nothing could ever make it righ again.

    I'm wandering again :p Loved it though,


  • super-sonic Says:

    Keeping that smile on your face through and through, it's a hefty price to pay.. until it becomes a part of you, a subtly painful habit.. it becomes a small price to pay.

  • Carpe Diem Says:

    Lilo <3: Haha!
    Your vibrant outside deserves a Grammy! Yeah?
    Thank you, though I do believe if you verbalized it would swirl in amazing-ness!
    LOL. Yes, I tell you, you are the nicest person ever! You sister is sadly mistaken on that note.
    That condition needs to die – very useless the whole thing!

    Starlight<3: Thank you, I’m much flattered:P .
    I think there are periods in one’s life where they do go through something of this nature. True, for some this predicament lasts longer, for others it’s rather momentary, but we all come across it.
    I understand all time low. The worst kind is when a part of you dies - a part of the positivity you clutch to.
    “I don't think I've experienced it personally” – hope you never do. But it slowly becomes the norm.
    Oh, and yes, sadly, sometimes when things do go wrong, they stay that way and can never ever be righted. Thank you for commenting =)

    Super-sonic: Oh yes. That smile integrates itself quite well, until it’s effortlessly and thoughtlessly done over and over again…and no one can pick on its overly replicated nature. *sigh*

  • ❛❛Heroine❜❜ Says:

    Carpe :( How do you do it!? Amazing, yet again! Sad though, how we have hearts made of stone, but ehh, people like stone? They're very useful nowadays.

  • Carpe Diem Says:

    *sigh* H, you just like me? No?
    I happen to like stone. Better than a cotton candy heart that gets bitten into, and stepped all over.
    I've been quite the cannibal lately, eh.
    And stone cannot break easily. hmph.
    Indeed, its very very useful.

  • frogman Says:

    i truly believe that having low expectations can avoid heartbreak, or heart-death in this case.. knowing that the world is not a rosy place and that at any given chance people will step all over you or throw the heart you gave them back at you can give you a fighting chance...

    now i'm not sure i'm addressing the same subject lol sorry

  • Carpe Diem Says:

    I concur - completely understand what you're trying to say. Don't expect anything, so that you'd never ever be disappointed.

    And when something does come your way, we'll then maybe its your lucky day. But even then, you must be aware that as quickly as it appeared - its disappearance will only be be quicker.

    And so go the workings of an imperfect world :)

  • CuteandCuddly Says:

    mashalla i am speechless !!!!!!!!

  • Carpe Diem Says:

    CuteandCuddly: Thank you? =)

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