If Only For A While.

A small capture of human nature.
Maybe you can relate, and maybe you can't.

Carpe Diem ;)
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Climbing the stairs two at a time, she made it to her room.

She changed into more comfortable clothes, and threw herself down on the bed, closing her eyes in attempt to yield to the enticing whispers of sleep. 

Ah, yes. That ever elusive sleep. The last she indulged in sleep was quite sometime back. If only she could count the hours of stolen slumber and sleep them all in one go. 

A knock penetrated through her last thoughts and echoed within the confines of her head.  

"Yes?" she answered drowsily.
"You're sleeping?" her mother asked in all inquisitiveness.
"Mhm, I'm drained," she explained.
"Before you sleep, go pray first."
"Yeah, okay," she let that demand blur by, as if unimportant.

After her mother left the room, she got up, went to get her prayer things and prayer carpet. She arranged them in such a manner where it would look like she prayed, and fully gave in to those tempting whispers.

While she still resided in the realm of sleep, her mother came back in once again to be greeted by the orchestrated prayer scene. Her chest swelled of pride as she said more to herself than anything else, "Mashalla 3a binti," and then quietly left. 

She woke up a while later, feeling less drained, yet not fully restored. Still, some sleep was better than none. Following a lifetime tradition, she gathered the sustenance of her life, or the 'goods' as she liked to call them from the kitchen storage. They consisted of deceptive neglected masses of cholesterol disguised as Lays Salt and Vinegar, Skittles, and Reese's cups. But who could ever resist them? Evil, yet blissful.

She turned on her laptop, watched as the msn icons twirled together harmoniously before loading her contacts. It was a waste time more than anything, she knew - but it was a habit. An old habit. Old habits don't really ever die.

The first 'ding' came, alerting her that she had one pending conversation. Many dings later, juggling Facebook and blogging in between, she had had enough conversations to open her own version of Communications Central. 

Her father came in to check on her, having just flown home, and asked if she prayed. Again, she pointed to the set up carpet and praying things from earlier.

"I'm very proud of you, my eldest," his voice full of love. "You work hard, and with your prayer, Allah y3een, you'll see."

She smiled, gave him a peck on the cheek and expressed her love for him. With that, he left. And once again, she was alone in her room to do her work. Oh, and she not only did it, but she excelled at it too. True, her time management could have been better, but she got it done regardless. 

At 2:00 in the morning, she called it a night. 

And thus ends her day, only to be replayed again tomorrow, and the day after...

*****

She woke up one morning to be welcomed by the day of her first final.
She showered, and dressed.
She had her morning latte, drinking along a healthy dose of nervousness with it.

And then she remembered that today was one of those couple of days during the year- one day of those few.

She headed back upstairs, and found her praying things set up as habit dictates them to look as if she prayed. She faced her carpet and began to pray for her success and triumph. 

Yes, today was one day of those few. A day where old habits die - if only for a small while. 

5 Response to "If Only For A While."

  • fettucinii Says:

    That was beautifully written, i must say.
    And unfortunately, i think everyone can relate to this. -.-


  • Aphrodite Says:

    U're style of writing amazes me mashallah and i'm pretty sure there are a lot that can relate to this kind of human nature ;/


  • frogman Says:

    i can totally relate to this, as it was a big portion of my teens pouring into my twenties. but after many a realization similar to this post i started coming up with plans on how to change.

    the method that worked best was choosing one prayer that i will not miss no matter what (Fajr in my case), and slowly the habit comes back, of course having big events in your life (exam, marriage, birth etc etc) will help keep you motivated to seek the divine blessing that we all need, yet sometimes neglect..

    very very nice post


  • ❛❛Heroine❜❜ Says:

    Sucks that everyone can relate to it. I bet you more people do than the people that are posting. And I hate our life becomes such a routine! Seriously, you pretty much described every other girl fel 5aleej. Well, no, only the sane ones.

    Ehh, old habits die hard but enshallah this is one habit we all try and overcome? Frogman's method is pretty smart though, for a frog.
    I kid. *hides*


  • Carpe Diem Says:

    Fettucinii - Thank you for commenting. Hmm, I guess almost everyone can when they are truthful with themselves.

    Aphrodite - Thank you. I tell you people at this rate, someday I will think I have wings! As for relating - sad, but true.

    Froggie ( I take it your are impartial to the nickname) - Yeah. Just writing this made me reflect on my own issues regarding this area, and I guess I was just interested to see how many people out there can in fact and are not ashamed to relate. Contrary to what's said out there, I think if you don't discover the beauty the actually praying and not just scrambling through it to unload a burden, then there is no point in really doing it. Don't get me wrong, the idea that it is a 'must' is engraved in my brain, and I know that my thinking is somewhat flawed, but I cannot help but think that to commit to constant prayer just because it is a must is not enough. Yet, I guess if you go along and treat it as a habit, then someway or another you will find your own joy in doing it.

    Interesting method, by the way. But if I was to try it, I'd have to go to 3sr. Fajr is my greatest downfall:'(. I so have to work on that one. Alarms just don’t work.

    Thank you =)

    ❛❛Heroine❜❜ - Sucks very much. And Routines just kill. But I guess in a way the routine sort of gives some self satisfaction as it work to keep chaos at bay. It's one of many ways to demonstrate to ourselves that we have some semblance of control over our lives.
    Yes, yes. Inshalla this is one habit we shall all endeavor to overcome. Well, we better anyway!
    Yeah, Froggie's method might actually work. I shall give it a shot.
    It's okay, I know we all secretly likes frogs - such simple joyful creatures ;p


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