So in Sync.
Before you judge the title I tell you this: No I'm not recruiting for a new boy band. I swear!
Moving on.
So, the other day I was out with a group of friends. And one of my friend's brother says something dirty. And mind you, it was subtle - he really wasn't holding a sign that says: "Perverted stuff, coming up".
The minute it came out of his mouth, an entire circuit of fluorescent tube lights just went on in my brain. DING DING DING.
It's not that I have a dirty mind - honest to God - I can just totally pick up on the perverted stuff. They're sort of transmitted at the same frequency that my brain picks up.
Wow. That frequency stuff, brought back to life a complete moving diorama of my physics class. *chants "I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it"* Phew.
Anyway. That incident got me thinking about how my brain became so in sync with the perverseness.
And today, I have made a great discovery.
Warning: If you do not wish to take a walk down memory lane - close window now.
My, My. You're still here? You brave soul.
Just keep in mind that just 'cause you had Lasik surgery doesn't mean we can't remember the pair of wheels on your face back in the old days ;)
So...
Remember back in the third grade, when you used to carry your
a) Scooby-doo/TMNT/Tom & Jerry lunch box if you were cool.
b) Barbie if you were dosed with extra X chromosomes.
c) Power Rangers/Batman if you were a mama's boy or a dyke.
proudly and walk to the dingy school bus and sit according to your level of coolness?
(How this was determined escapes me at the moment.)
Oh come on, you must be able to recall this sort of stuff!
There were all these other kids with you.
And there was Billy.
You see Billy, but Billy is so far away. (Mind you, Billy can be a girl too, as in my case)
Now. Billy was that kid at the back of bus - the one radiating out raw coolness.
And Billy was all-knowing back then.
The one with the big saucy mouth the million and two innuendos.
Everyone has at least one memory of Billy.
For Billy taught you all.
Your mom remembers Billy.
Because you asked her if what Billy said what true.
She probably denied it, blushed a profuse hue of red, and you were grounded for no reason at all.
'She lies,' Billy told you.
And lie she did.
But Billy told you the truth.
Billy took away your innocence.
Billly made your eyes pop.
Billy changed your life.
After that, you became officially synced.
Courtesy of Billy and Sons.
Remember that Billy?
Yeah *nods*, me too.
I wonder where Billy is now?
Hmm...
My theory?
Your parents probably paid Billy to teach you all that stuff, so they wouldn't have to do it themselves AND they got to punish you regardless :)
As for Billy…well Billy's training his/her kid. After all, somebody's got to keep the family business running.
------------------
P.S
Before I wrote all this down, I called my favorite cousin.
And told him all about Billy and my theory.
After literally 10 minutes of him laughing at me, he goes: "Yeah. I miss my being Billy days."
Well, no shocker there.
Really.
I couldn't even pretend.
*sigh*.
LMAO, dude firstly, I had a Power Rangers lunchbox and I was certainly not a dyke! I also had a Tom and Jerry one. That just makes me awesome, don't even try and deny that. *pats back*
Now about the Billy theory, I commend you. I think our parents had some twisted deal with Billy. Think cafeteria, late hours, ice cream? Sounds like something out of Dateline? Basically, I had 3 Billys. All boys. Everyday, every single day that is, they'd sit around and crack dirty jokes. And there I was, right in the middle of such raw pubescent boys, pretty much asking them to take away my naivety. So, in conclusion, no perverted idea, joke, reference, be it subtle or direct, can go past me unnoticed. *pats back again*
Although I find myself knowing way too much. Ehh, education I say.
Haha. Okay fine, for you I make an exception regarding the power rangers.
Yeah I had a TMNT lunch box, so no doubt about my coolness there.
I tell you - its the parents. I am 100% sure, now.
3 Billys! You lucky shit.
I had one. It was a girl.
And then my cousins.
Yeah, nothing perveted, subtle or not can ever get past me either.
Sometimes its sad. Especially if I'm amongst the first that gets these things. But oh well, beats being part of those that have to have it explained to them, right?
You can never know too much when it comes to this stuff. Every single one is an asset - otherwise you can't say shit to creepy stalkers like this:
"Your gay parents adopted you, and your mom turned out to be your dad so you ended up with a Thelma and Louise situation, and your biological parents are Jackie Chan and Dr. Evil after undergoing a genital surgery to have a womb implanted in his anus."
Believe me, after that, they usually do stay away.
didnt ride a bus.. my dad took me to school .. nope never had a billy.. i stayed innocent until high school ;p
Anonymous: Wow. I would say maybe you missed out, but then again: what's it like to say innocent till high school?
I'm just dying to know.